Memoir of a Japanese-American mom who wants her kids to grow up with the good parts of Japanese culture.

• The whole book is from a mostly American perspective. Not what I was hoping for when I pre-ordered, but still valuable.
• Japanese culture is a bargain among a group: you put in extra effort, but so so everyone else. It only works if everyone cooperates.
• “Take a cue from Marie Kondo and the Buddhist monks. Even simple “chores” like tidying up a drawer, washing dishes, or sweeping outside the house can bring immense joy.”
• “Greet your food.” Japanese say “itadakimasu” but a prayer serves the same purpose.
• “Let kids play by themselves”. “Playground time can be a chance for you to kick back, relax, and not worry too much about what or how your kid is doing”
• There is a chapter at the end called “30 Easy Ways to Bring Japanese Parenting Principles int Your Family”. This is what I wanted, more than the autobiographical stuff.
• The values/practices from the book I want to impart
  • be polite
  • clean up after yourself
  • organize your things
  • think about everyone’s feelings, not just your own
  • encourage an “I can do it myself” attitude
  • let kids play by themselves
  • be early or on time
  • do one thing at a time
  • greet your food (mark meal time with a little ceremony)
  • enjoy even the most mundane things (this one is for parents)
• Pet peeves
  • The author venerates Japanese words. E.g. defines “osekkachi” as “the art of shuffling around, doing little tasks”. But it just translates to “restless”.
  • A cringy quote: “It’s not turning her into a Japanese kid. It’s giving her an avenue to express herself and explore the essence of who she truly is”

Chapter-by-chapter notes

Ch 1 - Hello, Parenting. Goodbye, Me Time

• Author introduces herself. Grew up in Japan til 18, has lived in America since. Raising two kids in SF Bay Area.
• Admits that “Old Enough” show wouldn’t work in America, but maybe a toned down version would. Ch 2 - It Takes a Village
• Japanese society is like one big organism. Each part works for the success of the whole.
• Omotenashi - radically caring for others. (I would call this conscientiousness)
• Kid independence frees up parents to do other things
• Follow the rules, be polite, be safe, don’t cause trouble for others Ch 3 - Mini Japan in Big America
• Chapter describes author’s process of picking a Japanese immersion school for her kids, then describes the school
• She mentions picking a school based on the adult friends she would have if she chose it. At first, I thought that was stupid. Later, I thought that was a good way to influence the values your children will inherit. Ch 4 - Designing a Kid’s Life the Japanese Way
• Everything has a place
• Everyone cleans up after themselves
• Be punctual
• bathe kids every day
• the irony of having too much stuff is that you can’t find what you need when you need it Ch. 5 - A Day in the Life of a Japanese Hoikuen
• The longest chapter. The story of taking her kids and husband to live in Japan for a summer
• All of Japanese society is built to train kids to be responsible. Example: a toy which is a replica of the button you press to stop the bus
• Cute characters reinforce society values (e.g. police mascots)
• Cute onemonepeas make chores fun (e.g. the “brushing teeth” sound)
• Interesting looking documentary: “The Making of a Japanese” Ch. 6 - The Care and Feeding of a Japanese-Inspired Child
• a chapter about food
• lots of small-portioned items in each meal. Think bento box.
• Meticulous bento boxes are a way of showing care Ch. 7 - Who Wants to Be a Japanese Mom, Anyway?
• There is lot of sexism in Japan, and it is not very LGBT friendly
• Japanese parents get a 100+ page booklet issues to them on how to raise a baby (boshi techo) Ch. 8 - Japanese Parenting in America
• Argues Japanese culture is too string, and American culture is too permissive. Best is in between.
• Try to make good deeds seem fun (e.g. cleaning with a swiffer)

View on Hardcover